Now I See
by remember-nomore
Summary: AU right after 'Blind Date'. Lindsey makes a choice to find his place in the world outside of Wolfram & Hart and in his lovers arms. Tara & Lindsey pairing


Lindsey sat in the oversized office chair and stared out at the L.A. skyline, thoughts heavy on his mind.

He had done a good thing today, saving those kids. Granted he had to go to Angel for help but it didn't matter. It got the job done.

He turned and looked around the office that was once Holland's. They had offered him the job of a lifetime … more money then he had ever imagined and_power_ . Power was always the key, from the Senior Partners on down to the mail clerk.

_I could stay here and completely lose myself or I can choose to move on. Have a normal life._

Normal. He couldn't help but laugh to himself at that thought. It was a concept he knew nothing about. Even from childhood he knew what went on wasn't normal. You don't just let your kids die because you don't want to waste beer money. His father was an asshole. He'd known this for as far back as he could remember.

Lindsey sighed and looked down at his watch. It was nearly midnight. He turned and looked around the room, licking his lips as he contemplated his next choice, Holland's voice echoing in his mind.

_"Do you believe in love? - I'm not speaking romantically. - I'm talking about that sharp, clear sense of self a man gains - once he's truly found his place in the world. - It's no mean feat, since most men are cowards and just move with the crowd. Very few make their own destinies. They have the courage of their convictions..." _

He thought about those words as he picked up his jacket and headed towards the door. Placing his hand on the knob, he looked back at the office that was filled with opportunities and promise.

He shook his head. "A promise of certain death, doom and the total loss of one's soul." He thought for another moment before he opened the door and closed it behind him. "I've had it. I'm taking Holland's advice and making my own destiny."

Heading out of the office he passed a woman working late. "Goodnight Mr. McDonald."

He smiled as he handed the woman the keys to his office and his pass card. She looked at him questioningly. "Goodbye Lisa." Before she could question him about his statement he headed to the elevator and home to his apartment.

As he drove his mind raced, but not once did he regret his choice. He knew that he had to make a change; he had known this for a long time. Today had given him that chance.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out his keys as he arrived at the door to his apartment. Walking in, he dropped his jacket and briefcase onto the floor, too tired and weary to care about neatness at the moment.

Shutting the door behind him, Lindsey kicked off his shoes and headed into the bedroom, loosening his tie. He looked up when he saw the blonde on the bed reading a book. "Hey darlin'," he said wearily. Tara looked up at him and gasped.

"Lindsey, what happened to you?" She dropped her book and hurried over to him, putting her arms around his waist. She jumped back when he flinched. "You're all bruised and your face looks like a train wreck! Lindsey, what happened?" Her voice was soft and gentle as always and she lightly touched his face, her own expression filled with concern.

"There was trouble today at the office." He had actually forgotten about how battered he must look. Lindsey sighed as he sat down on the bed and started to unbutton his shirt. He winced when he accidentally hit one of his bruises. He huffed and lay back on the bed, putting his hands over his face.

Tara crawled up onto the bed with him and patiently finished taking off his shirt. She ran her hands lightly over the bruised flesh, making sure to be gentle as not to cause him any more pain or discomfort. "You should probably see a doctor about these; you might have a broken rib, Lindsey. Whoever did this did a job on your nose too."

He rested his hand on top of hers. "Why go to a doctor when I can have my witch heal me?" He leaned up and kissed her softly as he put his hand behind her neck and entangled his fingers in her hair. Lindsey groaned when she playfully nipped then sucked on his bottom lip. "Tara darlin', are you trying to give me a heart attack? I don't know if this body of mine could take any more. Especially not tonight."

She smiled down at him innocently. "Why Lindsey, did you think I was going to do anything? All I was doing was taking your shirt off."

"Yes but your touch…" He stopped his words when she leaned down and started kissing the bruises on his shoulder. "Wicked…"

She leaned up and smirked at him. "Yes I'm the evil wicked witch," she murmured against his skin, trying to sound sinister but ending up laughing. "I'm the wicked witch of the west coast." She leaned down and kissed him softly, careful of his bruised and broken lips.

"Well, I'm certainly under your spell."

She couldn't help but giggle at him. "I swear, you're such a cornball sometimes." She leaned down and kissed the base of his neck. "Now get undressed so I can take care of you."

Tara got off the bed slowly and headed into their bathroom. She bent down to turn on the water in the tub. "This should relax him a bit." She reached over and grabbed a bottle of oils she had, a special blend her mother used to use when school or her father upset her. She leaned over and poured some into the tub. It smelled heavenly.

"You are not trying to get me into a bubble bath, darlin'?" Lindsey said, coming in the room. She turned and looked at him.

"Ohh, I like the outfit." She admired his new attire … nothing but a towel. Tara stopped smiling when she got a good look of all his bruises. "Oh sweetie…"

Tara slowly walked over to Lindsey and touched his ribs gently. "I didn't think it was this bad…" What else did she expect? He worked for a law firm from Hell … literally.

"It's the price you pay." He leaned down and gently kissed her. "It's okay now though. I'm with you and I know you'll heal me." He winked at her.

"Oh really, kind of presumptuous aren't we…?"

"Hey, a man can be hopeful." He smiled as he watched her walk over and pull out some towels from the closet.

"Now get in the tub. You'll like it, trust me." She turned and looked at him.

"What?" He just looked at her and pouted. " i What/i "

"Let's see; first I come home and you're all sexy in one of my shirts and reading. The you go and decide to strip me of my clothes to get a better look at my bruises … which I think is a farce anyway just so you can touch me. Now you go and make this nice sexy bath, in our tub for_two_ , and you stand here dressed and order me into the tub alone."

He slowly walked over to her, almost like a predator. Leaning down, Lindsey kissed her gently as he moved his hands to her hips and lightly flirted with the hem of her shirt. "I think my nurse needs to join me. I need some close and personal attention." He kept his eyes locked with hers as he pulled off the shirt and tossed it aside.

Tara grinned at him, leaning up and kissing him softly as she pulled the towel off his waist. "After you." He smiled at her and led her over to the tub by her hand. He slowly stepped in, hissing a little as he sat down.

"Ribs hurt?" she asked, feeling a bit stupid for the obvious question. All he could do was grunt and nod. She shook her head; she didn't understand fully why he stayed at the law firm. But she loved him and vowed to stand by him, and she always silently hoped that maybe her good nature would rub off on him and give him the courage to finally leave. One thing she promised to herself was that she would never press him, never push or make him feel like he had to choose. Leaving or staying had to be totally his choice.

He sat back against the inflatable pillow that was attached to the edge and closed his eyes. "This is wonderful." He opened one eye and looked up at her. "It would be even better if you joined me." He shot her his trademark cocky grin and reached his hand out to her before resting it against the side.

Tara grinned at him as she wrapped a towel around herself; she was always self-conscious of her body despite how often he complimented her. "I'll be there in a moment, sweetie." She walked over to the shelf and pulled down the shampoo he liked to use. She loved the smell, sandalwood, but she loved it more because it reminded her of him.

There were nights she remembered when he couldn't come home because of work; there would be one case, or another, or he would have to go out of town. She would wear his shirt and burn a candle she bought that smelled like him. A mix of sandalwood and other scents she could never quite place. It was Lindsey. That's all she needed to know.

"Tara? You alright, darlin'?" His voice broke her thoughts. She shook her head and smiled as she walked back to the tub quietly. He shifted to allow her to come and join him.

"Impatient little cowboy now aren't we tonight?" Tara smirked as she let the towel slip to the floor before joining him. The warm water rose and surrounded them as she sat on his lap, facing him. She reached over and grabbed the shampoo. He grinned at her and closed his eyes as he tilted his head back, his hands on either edge of the tub to support him. Lindsey was never fond of having someone take care and dote on him, but he knew it would make her happy and he did whatever he could to please her.

Tara smiled when he closed his eyes and started to relax somewhat. Reaching up she ran her fingers through his hair before reaching over the side and picking up a cup she kept there, filling it with the warm water and wetting his hair. "Tell me if it hurts or if you're uncomfortable, okay?" He just nodded slightly as she put shampoo onto her hands and then into his hair.

She started singing softly, almost under her breath as she lathered up his hair, wincing slightly when he groaned and shifted in pain. She was tempted to stop but the look on his face kept her from doing so.

Lindsey opened his eyes and looked up at her, feeling her soft fingers against his scalp, as he started to think about how they had met. He wondered how he had gotten so lucky to find her, and not only that, but that she was so knowing and understanding about what he did for a living. Anyone else would have run the other way without a glance back.

But Tara was different. She was his light in the dark world he lived in, and he could make it through the day knowing that she would be there waiting for him when he came home, with open arms and a warm heart. No matter how hard or long her own day had been, with school and tutoring, she made time for him. She had always pushed her own things aside and put him first.

"What did you end up doing today?" He peeked one eye open at her, pausing when he remembered what today was. "Didn't you have that ummm…" He sighed and gave her a sheepish look. "It was for the teaching right? I'm sorry darlin', I just can't focus tonight."

Wiping some of the soap off of his forehead she kissed him softly. "It's ok, yes it was for the teaching position." She sighed softly, shaking her head as she started to rinse the soap out of his hair. "I didn't get it. They, um, went with someone more qualified." Tara put on a happy smile and looked into his eyes. "It's okay, it wasn't meant to be."

He smiled softly, always amazed at her optimism that left him in awe at times. No matter how dark and bad things got she always managed to find some sort of bright side – regardless of how small it was. "You'll find what you want to do, Tara. I know you will." He meant it too, if there was anyone he was sure of, it was her.

Tara pulled back and smiled at him, running her hand over his cheek. "Do you feel a bit better, honey?" He nodded and smiled, his gaze running down her body, fully realizing that she was naked and sitting on his lap. She bit her lip and blushed deep red as his hands ran over her sides, resting at her hips while his thumbs made idle circles over her stomach.

"Tara." Lindsey spoke barely above a whisper, his eyes turning up and meeting hers. He noticed that her face had gone pale and she stopped moving. "Darlin', let's get away from here. Let's just pack up what we need and leave, start fresh – together, of course – let's just…" He sighed and sat up more in the tub, ignoring the pain in his ribs, he tightened his arms around her and touched her face. "I want a new life, with you, away from all of this bull shit."

"Lindsey…" She blinked at him, running her hand over his face and wondering if he'd lost his mind. "W-we can't…the firm…w-what about the partners?"

"Fuck em." He grinned and kissed her nose. "I left. I handed in my keys today and I don't plan on going back ever. Tara, please, come with me." He licked his lips and paused a moment before running his hand over her cheek and cupping her face. "I don't want you out of my life, ever. I ju-…"

A lopsided grin crossed her lips when she pressed her finger against his lips. "I'll go with you, Lindsey, but you already knew that," she murmured before kissing him softly, her lips parting to meet with his tongue.

A small moan could be heard in the room and who it came from wasn't important. All thought and reason was lost to Tara when she felt his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer to him and making her gasp against his lips when she felt his throbbing erection pressing against her thigh. "Lindsey…"

"I know…" He murmured against her jaw, peppering her face and neck with light kisses till he placed one at her throat. Pausing to nip and suck at her skin while his hand trailed down her side and pulled her leg around him more till he slid inside her. "Tara…"

Her fingers laced in his hair as she slowly started to rock her hips, gasping and tightening her thighs slightly as he entered her deeply. Sighing, she lightly dragged her nails up his back, pressing her middle finger down against his spine slightly, knowing that it drove him crazy. Tara rested her head against his shoulder, nuzzling her nose in his neck as she rocked her hips against him.

"I love you."

"Love you."

Lindsey ran his tongue along the pulse point of her neck, gasping when he felt her tighten around him and her hips came down harder on him. Growling quietly in his throat he grabbed her hips and moved her over him, doing his best to keep himself still to cause him little pain and her even less worry.

Tara gasped against Lindsey's neck and moved her hands from his shoulders to gripped the tub tightly, arching her back sharply and pushing her chest into his face as he hit that spot inside her that set her on fire.

"Darlin'…" he murmured as he trailed hot kisses down her collarbone, then between her breasts. "So fuckin' beautiful…" he breathed against her skin before running his tongue over her breast, finding her nipple and running his tongue over flesh before taking it into his mouth.

"Oh god … Lin-Lindsey…" Tara moaned, her eyes fixed on the ceiling as her hands tightened even more on the tub, Lindsey's hand's moving her hips faster over his cock. "I'm…"

He growled against her breast, biting a bit roughly before pulling back to meet her eyes. "Let go…" Grasping her hips tightly to him, he kept his eyes on hers. They both came shaking and gasping for air, holding onto each other tightly.

They laid in the cooling water of the tub, trembling and panting for air as they held onto each other, kissing each other's neck and shoulder lightly.

"I-I think we should get out of the tub, sweetie. You're going to get a cold," Tara murmured, pulling back from his arms and pulling the plug to drain out the water. "Let's get you to bed, I'll fix you up and then we can … sleep." She yawned at the final word, as if on cue.

"Yeah." He smiled at her, kissing her lips softly as she pulled back to stand and get out of the tub. Tara got out and wrapped herself in a robe, standing at the edge of the tub to help him out.

Lindsey leaned on her as they walked, hating the fact that he had to lean on her and he couldn't properly carry her to their bed.

Tara leaned up and kissed him softly when he sat on the bed, touching his cheek softly. "Lay back, I'll rub some herbs on your bruises. They'll heal up faster that way." He simply nodded and laid back.

Singing softly, she slipped on one of his silk button-down shirts and pulled out the mixture from the dresser before she moved back to the bed. "Tell me if I hurt you, okay?"

He smiled again, resting his hands behind his head. "I promise, but then again, I know you'd never hurt me." Lindsey smirked, a low groan escaping his throat when she laid over him, her knees on either side of his hips. Shifting slightly he rested his hands on her thighs while she bit her lip in concentration.

Tara pulled the jar open and started to rub some of the herb paste onto his chest, putting small dabs on his face and neck, being careful not to hurt him any more. She tucked her hair behind her left ear and continued to run her hands over his chest softly.

Lindsey grinned when he thought about what Holland had asked him today: if he believed in love.

He gazed at Tara bent over him with her hair falling down around them. Her hair glowed in the dim moonlight that came through the window.

She stopped for a moment and their eyes met again. Looking into her eyes, he knew he believed in love, and angels, but above all else he knew that he had found his rightful place in the world: with her. That was more then anyone could ever offer him.


End file.
